Sunday, August 7, 2005


THE DUKES OF HAZZARD starts off slower than a Winn-Dixie check-out line in Chattahoochee and proceeds to go nowhere fast. I counted an absolute maximum total of two, yes two, mildly amusing scenes in one hundred and six minutes of screen time -- one is when Luke and Bo are in the holding cell in Atlanta and the second is when Willie Nelson emerges from the "smoke shack". That's mighty slim pickings; a bucket of Church's chicken necks offers more to savor. Throw in one amusing cameo with Rip Taylor during the end credits and you still have less bang for the buck than a non-sale item at Cabela's.

It is way too early to prognosticate the winner of the next Oscar or Emmy, but I can say without hesitation that THE DUKES OF HAZZARD is the forerunner for the first-ever Schaivo -- an award given to the most lifeless, brain dead movie of the year.