DISTRICT 9

Soweto sci-fi
Harryhausen would be proud
Hollywood humbled

HAIKU KUDO

Over the years we have been reviewed by a wide variety of sources, including The Los Angeles Times, Variety, The New York Daily News, Richard Schickel, Newsweek, L'Alsace Journal, Kevin Thomas, Reader's Digest, Joe Leydon, even The New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung. None of these esteemed publications nor the pundits who write for them have impressed us as much as Joe Vorsas, a rare renaissance man from East Texas. His recent Haiku Review of Needtovent.com's various postings is both succinct and perceptive.

Me likes what you've wrought
If not always what you've writ
Still worth the reading

Thanks Joe...

WAGES OF FEAR

Holy cojones!
Balls-to-the-walls trucker trek
White-knuckle tension

FLIGHTPLAN

FLIGHTPLAN goes nowhere
It is you who will be bored
If you board this plane

MR. & MRS. SMITH

MR. & MRS. SMITH

Brad's the pits. Script fails.
More plot holes than bullet holes.
Beware Jolie's lips.

This big screen orgasm should have been titled MR. & MRS. SMITH & WESSON given the the bullet count and the array of rapid-fire weaponry deployed during the interminably long third act. Still, some will find the film worthy of a Blockbuster rental if just to see Angelina Jolie's big, juicy lips. Freak shows like this are mostly a thing of the past, but thanks to wide-screen aspect ratios and letterbox DVDs one cannot help but revel at those rosy reds. Personally, I find them abhorrent -- kinda like one giant crimson-painted caulfilower stacked above another. Yep, they are that large, that lumpy and that creepy. Makes me glad to know that I'm not a trailer hitch...