Overrated…

(Felicity Huffman and Kevin Zegers in search of “countless peaks and valleys…”)

As our legion of loyal readers know, Needtovent.com rigorously avoids the use of hyperbole. At one point in time realtors, Mercury Zephyr sales brochures and a not-so-candid literary character named Dr. Pangloss were the sole practitioners of undeserved, unconscionable, unassailable hype. To our collective dismay, this is no longer the case.

Take, for example, the following description of where I live, published by the local Chamber of Commerce:

Spring Branch is a majestic wonderland, blessed with rolling ranges of countless peaks and valleys…

With due respect to recently deceased Senator Lloyd Benson—I can only respond by saying:

Chamber of Commerce, I have lived among countless peaks and valleys, I know peaks and valleys, peaks and valleys are favorites of mine. Chamber of Commerce, Spring Branch is not blessed with countless peaks and valleys.

Has the Chamber ever been to Switzerland? Austria? New Zealand? Tibet? Even Colorado? Apparently not. Yes, the surrounding Texas Hill Country is, arguably, the most scenic part of the Lone Star State. But for Christ's sake, or at least that of Tenzing Norgay, please back off this ridiculous claim—it is downright embarrassing.

And speaking of overrated, I must also throw into that category TRANSAMERICA—the gender bender tale of a conservative transsexual woman and the son she fathered. Yes, I correctly said “fathered.” Felicity Huffman's “Tootsie Role” is a remarkable performance, but the screenplay disappoints in that this cross-country road trip eventually leads to nowhere.

Not even to Spring Branch.