TO WONG FOO

A Romp On The Wild Side

“Ready or not…here comes mama!”

Sure enough, right before our very eyes, two especially testosterone-laden Hollywood actors transform themselves into certifiable New York drag queens in Director Beeban Kidron's flashy “To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar.”

None other than Wesley Snipes (who achieved well-deserved international stardom for his dynamic performance in the high action drama, “Passenger 57”) and Patrick Swayze (the “Dirty Dancing” hunk) play, respectively, Noxeema Jackson and Vida Boheme in this frolicking road picture replete with delicious dialogue and a pulsing soundtrack throughout.

Talk about high concept. And the transformation is remarkable, indeed. Good enough for Noxeema and Vida to tie for top honors in a highly competitive Drag Queen Pageant (“Nobody here tonight is winning Miss Congenialty,” notes Noxeema). And good enough for an uncredited Robin Williams to be smitten at the sight of them. “Oh, my God, I'm like a compass near north!” he giggles.

Top prize is a trip to the City of Angels for the national finals, and Vida decides they should cash in their plane tickets for a 1967 Cadillac and invite Chi Chi (John Leguizamo in a remarkable gender-hopping role modeled after Rosie Perez) to come along. Noxeema is horrified, “She might be a Sandinista or something,” but Vida prevails and the threesome hit the open road.

All goes relatively well until a red-neck Sheriff (played with comical glee by the appropriately portly Chris Penn) makes a move on the voluptuous Vida and discovers the hidden truth. One punch later and Vida is back behind the wheel of the Caddy, her traveling companions in tow. Unfortunately, the Caddy breaks down and until a part can be shipped they are marooned in a broken-down small town that makes Cotopaxi, Colorado look cosmopolitan. The dreary hotel room and the dreary lives of the local inhabitants, especially the down-trodden women, just won't do, and so Vida et al initiate “Operation Decorator Storm,” and the make-over begins.

Engaging moments abound as Snyderville and its populace rediscover a sense of self-esteem. One-by-one long-repressed dreams are remembered and pursued and the cumultive effect is a heart warming scene of the entire town dancing in the streets to the beat of Johnny Mathis singing “Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me.” As Vida notes, “Sometimes all it takes is a fairy!”

Costume designer Marlene Stewart deserves special mention for concocting an outrageous array of audacious clothes. Supporting actors Arliss Howard, Blythe Danner and the always-solid Stockard Channing earn individual kudos as well.

The marquee-unfriendly title comes from an autographed photo of the statuesque Julie Newmar (“The only catwoman!” declares Vida—and I wholeheartedly agree) which hung on the wall of a Chinese restaurant. Credit Douglas Carter Beane for a sassy, hip screenplay chock-full of marvelous little details and rife with references such as Moms Mabley, Sally Struthers, Tex Avery, Emma Peel and Mary Jo Kopechne. If these names mean anything to you, then “To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar” is probably your cup of tea.

It is with some irony that I first saw “To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar” when it was playing at the Majestic Theater in Crested Butte, Colorado during the opening weekend of the Third Combined Colorado Hunting Season. Just as little Snyderville was being visited by three irrepresible drag queens on the screen, our small burg was playing host to a different kind of cross dresser—the ubiquitous, red-necked, all-American deer hunter.

Gold lamé vs. green camouflage. Pink feather boas vs. day-glow orange gimme caps. Bloomingdale's vs. L. L. Bean. And yes, Hum Jobs vs. Hummers.

Do clothes really make the man?