THE TIE THAT BINDS Strangles On Its Own Bad Taste

Biological parents battle adopting parents for the custody of a disturbed young girl. No, its not the Hatfields vs. the McCoys…but rather the Cliftons vying with the Netherwoods (one guess as to who's the bad folks) in this bloody mess of a movie.

Seems that John and Leann Netherwood (played by Keith Carradine and Daryl Hannah) survive by breaking and entering wealthy homes, Polaroiding their victims and, more often than not, killing the victims for a few additional photo opportunities. During one of these house calls L.A.'s finest arrive just in time to wing John as he and Leann run to safety. Their quick action, however, leads to the capture of daughter Janie (effectively portrayed by newcomer Julia Devin) whose been innocently chasing fireflies in the backyard.

At the station Janie's rag doll is placed into a baggie (presumably for evidence), and it is then that we first learn of Janie's deep-rooted psychological problems. She goes ballastic rescuing the doll from suffocation and it takes the Rodney King sextet to subdue her.

Enter the second tag team which will contend for Janie's affections and afflictions. Vincent Spano plays housing contractor Russell Clifton whose spec trophy home has the financing pulled halfway through the building process. His wife, Dana (Moria Kelly), shares John Netherwood's interest in photography. She's a professional who specializes in food shots and is now the only source of income for the Clifton family. While Russell wrestles with Chapter 11 woes Dana woos him into an adoption agency so they will have yet another mouth to feed. Not the best of ideas, but certainly par for the course given the lame story Mr. Auerbach has concocted.

Understandably nervous at this undertaking, John delivers the most suitable line in the film when he looks at all the darling little munchkins seeking rescue and he declares: “We have met the clowns and they are us!” Clowns, indeed.

Dana falls instantly for little Janie and, despite a hair-do reminiscent of the third runner-up in a Miss Bulgaria beauty contest, precious Janie falls for Dana. With cuddly affection that would embarrass both the Cleavers and the Huxtables, little Janie seems to tolerate her new parents well enough. Her new doll, the tattered Mr. Flip Flop is, however, her best friend and she confides in the bunny that John and Leann are surely on their way because “they own me.”

Sure 'nuff. With more bull-headed determination than even the Bush Administration exhibits in its policy towards war in Iraq, John and Leann go through a series of victims to find their daughter. Among those who temporarily get in the way are the carrot-topped cop who had the temerity to shoot John in the opening scene and the noble Hispanic welfare worker whose demise is blatantly telegraphed the moment she first appears. The bloody and climactic finale takes place in the partially completed spec home out in the middle of nowhere. No walls, virtually no roof, and with no police protection requested, this makes for one of the stupidest refuges in cinema history.

By now the cliché count has reached staggering proportions (the car that won't start during an escape attempt, the presumed dead villain who isn't, etc.) so it is pointless to discuss the ending—except for one highly disturbing moment—when ten-year-old Janie thrusts a dagger into her biological father's stomach (“You taught me that, Daddy.”) with clinical ease. Forget any concern you might have for “Natural Born Killers” or “Pulp Fiction” (both of which I personally liked), it is this irresponsible scene that makes “The Tie That Binds” the sickest, sleaziest, most disgusting movie on the shelf of your local Blockbuster.