PSYCHO

In the not-what-you-think-department, this photo is actually Valerie Plame and her recent reaction to hearing the name “Scooter” Libby for the umpteenth time in the past few weeks.

Last night I screamed also as I made a horrible mistake and channel surfed what can only be called “PSYCHO TV”—no, I'm not referring to the classic film directed by Alfred Hitchcock, but rather ninety or so minutes of prime time cable news. Now that, my friends, is something truly scary and psychotic. Much of the coverage was about that little twerp named “Scooter” who—and I'm not kidding here—is limping along on crutches for God's sake. They say he has an injured ankle; I guess that's what happens when you put your damn foot in your mouth. “Scooter” my ass…

And speaking of twerps, how about that fella named Alan Colmes? Try watching SOUTH PARK sometime and see if he isn't a dead ringer for Mr. Mackey—O.K.? Talk about the all-time “News Eunich.” Pitted against blowhard Hannity, this lame excuse of a reporter is more overmatched than Poland in 1938.

Hey, I'm only getting started.

On another channel we are subjected to Anderson Cooper—a “Drug Store” honkey if ever there was one. In case you are unfamiliar with this term, let me give a few examples: Kobe Bryant and Archie Bell and his damn Drells—these represent the poster children for “Drug Store” niggers. Or Paul Reubenfeld (aka Pee-Wee Herman)—a “Drug Store” kike with a circumcision problem. Like pooper-scooper Cooper they, too, are total sell-outs. See what I mean? (Let me add that living in the Texas Hill Country I'm literally surrounded by “Drug Store” cowboys—it ain't a pretty sight).

Last, but by no means least, I now turn to what may be the most nightmarish of them all—Greta Van Susteren, the on-camera hag whose face brings a new perspective to “Fair and Balanced.” May all stroke victims take heart. One thing I will say about Greta, however, is that she sure likes to stick with a story regardless of its merits. I am referring to her nightly, incessant, continuous coverage of Natalee Holloway, the perky party girl who went to Aruba and got exactly what she wanted (except for the killing, perhaps).