THE BEST FILM OF THE YEAR

(And I Ain't Kidding)

A number of readers have approached me requesting that I lighten up a bit. They apparently feel that I've been a bit too negative lately. Go figure…

Accordingly, and in the spirit of the Holiday Season, I hereby celebrate my selection for the single best independent feature film for the year 2004—BUBBA HO-TEP.

Why BUBBA HO-TEP you ask? Well, we can start with the opening lines in the movie. Rather than spoil your viewing pleasure and quote them here, let me simply say that the first three sentences of voice-over are the most outrageous, audacious, bodacious lines in the history of American cinema. And that's just the beginning; there's even a website where over 20 great lines of dialogue are listed by avid HO-TEP devotees. As you know, most good to great films have one or two memorable lines…three at most. HO-TEP has almost two dozen—talk about something that will “make my day”.

Of course, this shouldn't surprise anyone given the fact the screenplay is based on a Bram Stoker Award nominated short story by the incomparable Joe R. Lansdale. Step aside Grisham and Ludlum—you guys may write interesting plots, but when it comes to writing with panache, writing with flair and a keen ear for the English language, you are pikers compared to the “Mojo Storyteller” from Nacogdoches, Texas.

Speaking of plots, try this on for size. The inventive story is set in an East Texas Nursing Home where the King, the real Elvis Presley, is now a 68 year old resident. No one believes that he's the real deal despite the remarkable resemblance (portrayed brilliantly by Bruce Campbell) and his unrelenting insistence that he had swapped lives with an Elvis impersonator so he could escape the hassles of unprecedented fame. Unfortunately, the impersonator died and the only evidence which would prove this swap really occurred was destroyed in a flaming BBQ accident at a trailer park.

I said no one believes him. That's not exactly true. One old codger (played by the great Ossie Davis) does accept Elvis' story as true. Then again, this man believes he's none other than John Fitzgerald Kennedy. “But you're black”, Elvis points out. JFK responds that this is a tribute to the Johnson Administration's ingenuity. “They dyed me this color. All over. That's how clever they are!”

So there we have it, two decrepit old men, one the King of Rock and Roll, the other the King of Camelot, wasting away in a nondescript nursing home facing their greatest challenge of all. You see, residents of this convalescent center are dying at an alarming rate and the culprit isn't Old Man Time. Rather, it is a soul sucking Egyptian mummy who just happens to be in the area thanks to a nearby highway accident.

No…I'm not making any of this up.

What's more, in typical Joe R. Lansdale fashion I must add that Bubba Ho-Tep isn't your average run-of-the-mill, drug store variety embalmed Egyptian. No sir. You see, this mummified soul sucker wears a cowboy hat so he won't be too conspicuous in pick-up truck country. Pretty smart for a truly repulsive creature who sucks the octogenarians' souls out of a bodily orifice I shall not name. Let's just say he's a nocturnal type of guy and he does his deed when and where the sun don't shine. Say, did I mention that his lips remind me of Bob Stoops? But I digress…

And that's not all! We also see Elvis combat giant cockroaches with a bedpan, JFK heading into a deadly battle in a motorized wheelchair, not one, but two truly horrifying full body burns…I could go on and on and on.

But here's the catch. BUBBA HO-TEP, as a movie, works incredibly well. Quite frankly, it is a triumph of the human spirit. Director Don Coscarelli has an uncanny way of making us really like the characters and driving home the poignancy of these two elderly coots living their last years in ingnominity. Just like most of us will.

Let me reiterate, BUBBA-HO TEP is hilarious, it is touching, it is smartly written, it is convincingly acted, it is extremely entertaining, it is thought provoking and it succeeds because it treats its outrageous premise with total sincerity.

In closing, I should add that BUBBA HO-TEP was initially released theatrically in an extremely limited way in 2002. The DVD was introduced this year and is now in most video stores. The reasons behind why the film didn't receive the widespread distribution it deserves is a bit of a mystery. Some have pointed to the Elvis Presley estate as being responsible since they would not see any of the income so generated. Whether that's true or not I cannot say. What I can say is that based on the thirty-one films Presley actually appeared in, from LOVE ME TENDER to JAILHOUSE ROCK to VIVA LAS VEGAS, BUBBA HO-TEP is by far the best Elvis movie of them all.