57TH ANNUAL PRIMETIME CIRCLE JERK

Random Thoughts Regarding the 57th Annual Emmy Awards Telecast:

1. While I hate to give Ellen DeGeneres the bird (or two for that matter), I must state that her performance as host was about as exciting as her dildo with dead batteries.
2. Patricia Arquette's Emmy award shows that pigs can, indeed, fly—or at least get on stage in front of millions looking like a potential mate for KERMIT THE FROG.
3. Tony Shalhoub's win for “Best Comedy Actor” proves that not everybody loves Raymand. This was yet another deserving win for MONK and all of us with obsessive-compulsive tendencies.
4. The most lame segments among many were the stupid “Emmy Idol” songs. Not that anyone in the entire universe cares, but Shatner got shafted.
5. Did you notice that there weren't any women comedy writers to be seen anywhere? What gives? Are Ivy League Jews the only people networks are willing to hire? No wonder most current sitcoms suck…